Spider-Man 3

A kid in the theater said it right, “What’s wrong with him?” Better yet, we should be asking ourselves, “What’s wrong with this movie?” But I’m afraid it’s not that simple, as there are a lot of things that just didn’t make sense. Was anyone else cringing half the time? Because I sure was.

Let’s start off by discussing the script. How many cheesy, awkward lines can you put in a movie? Seriously, it was unreal how many times I found myself laughing at the movie, and not with it. The actual storyline wasn’t so bad, with Peter struggling to find time for Mary Jane and to take on his own demons when finding out that his uncle’s killer is still on the loose, but come on, the dialogue could have been so much more refined. Some of the lines were nauseating, not to mention this Emo version of Peter. Words are beyond me about this. My jaw was literally dropped during the whole sequence of Peter strolling down the streets (dancing, no less), checking out the ladies (was he supposed to be attractive? I certainly did not buy that), and wearing a black suit, all with that awful side-parted hair hanging in his face. WTF? And then, that scene in the jazz club when he starts dancing?! I don’t understand this madness! I never thought in a million years that I would ever see Tobey Maguire do several pelvic thrusts! The movie still could have worked if none of this was in it. In fact, it would have so much more credibility.

When the first two movies had so much going for them, and knowing that they’re some of the best-made comic book adaptations, how can this happen? My best guess is that the makers just wanted to crank out another before they got too many complaints about waiting so long (Spidey 2 came out in 2004), which is funny since you’d think that because it’s been 3 years it would be better-crafted and planned out.

In all its strangeness, it was still a mildly enjoyable movie, that just so happens to have broken all domestic – and world – box office records. I really liked how the opening credits included parts of the first two films. I also thought Topher Grace was great at being a pompous asshole (that’s a compliment), but I found Thomas Haden Church a bit unconvincing, seeing that he had absolutely no lines – except for grunting! There was one character, however, that stole the show. Of course I’m talking about Harry’s butler. They should make a spin-off for this guy.

Another thing that bothered me was Tobey Maguire’s physique. He looked just a tad drab, which is contrastingly different from his very buff build of the first installment. He also seemed much more bug-eyed than usual. Don’t get me wrong, I love Tobey –I’m just concerned, that’s all. I know that he’s a vegetarian (perhaps starting in the past 3 years) and it makes me wonder if that has anything to do with it.

Needless to say, Spider-Man 3 has some rough patches, but at least we all know now that revenge is bad and that everyone has a choice. So then, what about the choice to make a fourth Spidey? What do you think: yay or nay?

Directed by Sam Raimi
Runtime: 140 minutes